Eclipse Reviewed

So once again, here we are with the third installment in the obscenely popular Twilight saga, Eclipse.  Those of you who read the review of the first Twilight book knows the horrors that it could sink too and those of you read the New Moon review knows the hope that this series could actually produce a book that didn't suck. I also did mention that Eclipse was something I did want to read instead of obligation to get to that really awesome part in Breaking Dawn that I have been harping about for a while.  So did this fulfill the hope that New Moon promised or was it brought down by rampant stupidity by Bella.  Let's not wait any longer as we dive right in into Eclipse.

So our plot begins with our adorably stupid heroine Bella as she counts the weeks to graduation where she will be turned into a vampire due to the horrors of still being 18 GASP SHOCK HORROR SWOON!   Her and Edward, the shiniest vampire who's EXTREME!!!!111!!!!, are going strong  but this time Jacob, part of the Native American tribe of werewolves, EXT...wait I forgot I can't use that joke since the werewolves were awesome, realizes he loves Bella too.  Then Bella realizes she loves Jacob but there's the fanatical racism between vampires and werewolves.  Luckily, most of the story is about how Victoria actually comes back and be seen with an army of NEWBORN VAMPIRES that makes the vampires and werewolves work together!  Oh and by newborn I mean newly-turned vampires, not infant vampires but that would be awesome and EXTREME!!!111!!!  However, the newborn vampire army has to settle with just being awesome.

So let's get this out of the way....this book is good and I liked it, not almost liked it like I did with New Moon but actually liked it.  Now around the first 150 pages it doesn't look that way since it is a chore to slog through and the writing seems to be backpedaling into the horrible stilted style of the first book with a story that seems boring and a chore to read through.  However, much to my surprise this book did get much better as it went one as the main story got into gear.  However, what really sets this book apart from the other two is how fleshed out Rosalie and Jasper are, some of the non-Edward Cullen family members.  So Rosalie back story could basically be a revenge film like Kill Bill with her killing the men who beat and raped her almost to death until Carlise found her and turned her.  Jasper's back story involves the Civil War, Mexicans and more newborn vampire armies.  If I say anything more it would be a bit criminal but the really criminal thing is why can't Meyer get off her lazy ass and write more about them!  It would easily keep her mind off The Midnight Sun debacle but I guess she loves Edward too much to think this logically.....Mormon logic sucks.

Then there's this interesting subversion with Meyer's inability to write a climax.  I'm sure you all remember how violent I became when I read Twilight's anti-climax and while New Moon resembled a climax it did kinda peter off with some pages left to go.  This time it's all in the mis-direction where it seems like Bella and Edward with Seth, one of the younger werewolves, are hiding out missing the fight against everyone and the vampire newborn army while Edward and Seth mostly tries to keep Bella informed and perhaps coordinate their attacks some more.  Then Victoria shows up with her general and BAM fight.  Then at the end when the end game is about to happen, somehow you think that Bella would faint, close her eyes or do something girly but she doesn't so she sees it making Meyer have to describe it and making it awesome.

I think the main surprise is that the three lead characters --- Bella, Edward and Jacob --- feel realER than usual.  Bella and Edward's relationship actually feels like a real relationship at this stage of the saga, granted it's still based on vanity, shallowness, lust and abuse but it still counts I guess.  Even Edward isn't AS abusive here as he was with most of his "abusive" actions are due to his fanatical racism towards the werewolves or the fact that a vampire newborn army was basically created to kill Bella so there's the protective thing.  It doesn't really excuse the fact that he bribed Alice with a car so she could basically kidnap Bella while he was away for a couple days or the fact that he's pretty much forces Bella to marry him for Bella is demanding some possibly deadly sex.  Of course if he did it now instead of what allegedly happens in Breaking Dawn....

*incoming tangent coming*

"Oh Bella, what have I, Edward the love your life, done to you!  It seems that my perfect control and rhythm during our perfect love-making I have split your gorgeous figure in half much to my chagrin.  Now I seem to have your dazzling uterus on my perfect torso.  What have I done!"

*tangent over*

Wow....so much dazzling chagrins.

There is something else I like to talk about the werewolves which is imprinting.  Now imprinting is what happens when a male werewolf sees some chick and BAM falls in love with her completely and totally.  This is fine when it's somebody of their own age.  Then there's time one of the guys imprints on a two-year old.  Now there's not going to be any sex for at this stage of the game, that guy is going to be a great father figure but when that girl is going to be of age BAM sex.  It's all very creepy and if the spoilers on TV Tropes are to believed and they are....it'll all get very creepy and weird in the next book.

Despite what I keep saying and all the jokes I made, I do like it.  It is very entertaining once you power through the first 150 pages.  There are some moments of near-brilliance in a couple chapters and it's nice to finally resolve the Victoria storyline.  If this book was a person, I'd treat it to a beer and I wouldn't even think of killing it like the first book or just ignoring it like the second.  Now, there's nothing in my way in my quest to determine if Breaking Dawn is The Marine of literature.

7/10