Bomberman Jetters reviewed

So I mentioned in my Bomberman Generation may or may not been based off of a Bomberman anime. I can now say that, without a shadow of a doubt, that Bomberman Jetters is based off of a Bomberman anime. I can also say that this game is a horrible slap-to-the-face to the Bomberman franchise, to the fans of the Bomberman franchise and to good old-fashioned video-game conventions. So let's dig in with the atrocity that is called Bomberman Jetters.

Some time after you whooped the HIGE HIGE Bandits from Bomberman Generation, they have come back for revenge! And this time, the HIGE HIGE Bandits will leave no prisoners or survivors because they have gotten this built this huge comet/ship that will crash into Planet Bomber, Bomberman's home planet, and destroy it! So it's up to Bomberman to fly up to this comet/ship and blow up the hell out of it. And this time, Max is going to get off his butt and help you this time.

Does the plot make you want to play this game to entertain you bomb lust? Well let's see what the game play has to say about that. This game may be one of the worst offenders of Guide Dang It, a case where you have to go to a guide of some kind to figure out what to do. I mentioned this happening in Bomberman 64 but that was only to get all the gold cards, not to advance the plot or kill bosses. That's what Jetters makes you do cause most of the time you're stuck, there's a non-intuitive solution to it all. Being stuck for half-an-hour at a level is not fun! Trying to kill the final boss because you have to wait for it to do a specific attack and then attack it in a specific way is not fun!

Then there's Max, you remember him from Generation where he just helped you whenever he felt like it? You wish he helped you whenever he felt like it cause he actually does something. Alright, you can switch between Bomberman and Max at will which is good. Max also has a pretty awesome Spirit Bomb which wipes out all enemies on the screen. So what's the problem? He's not given anything to do besides destroying some steel wall that shows up once a world. So you ask why can't you be Max all the time...well that's cause you can't use the Charaboms, those animals that make traversing the world possible. There's no incentive to use Max all the time and, by all accounts, he's pretty useless besides destroying steel walls.

The graphics attempt to be cel-shaded like Generation but combined with the anime sensibilities of the....well, anime. It's not that it's a bad idea, it's just poorly executed. All the colors are washed-out, the details are flat and nothing really pops out. The worst thing is that the game decides to give Bomberman eyes, I mean real eyes that includes the white in the eyes! This is kinda creepy especially after the standard look of Bomberman eyes was always two vertical lines! The real eyes just makes things a bit too real and goes way into Uncanny Valley. Just way too creepy for my tastes.

Simply put, this game is garbage. The cameras are garbage. The voice work is garbage. The graphics are garbage. The game play is garbage. The characters are garbage. The music is garbage. That mini game that's a throw back to the old days of Bomberman is garbage. The Charaboms are garbage. The use of Max in the game is garbage. I'm pretty sure once you get past the fact that there's a Bomberman anime, the anime itself is garbage. The dubbing work on the anime scenes is garbage. Any people who like this game are garbage. This, without a doubt, the worst game I've played in recent memory, besides Bebe's Kids. The only reason I gave it a 2 instead of a 1 is that I didn't wish I was dead while playing it.

2/10