Destroy All Humans reviewed

Destroy All Humans sounds like an awesome game but something went wrong in development. There's aliens, explosions, Men in Black and a mysterious leader who wears a mask...a human leader, not an alien leader. The script is chuckle-worthy and the cutscenes aren't too bad. But the graphics are horrible and the gameplay is boring and maybe buggy.

So aliens called Furons are having their cloning technology not be efficient and their clones are becoming more and more degraded. Which is bad if they want to attain immortality through cloning....which they do! So Invader Zim....fine, Orthopox sends Jack Nicholson...fine, a Jack Nicholson-impersenator....fine, Cryptospordium to Earth where there's lots of pure Furon DNA. So then Crypto comes and he blows things up, uses his brain to throw things, becomes other people and other invasion things and well...that's it. There's other things to it, people are trying to stop you but the so-called villians just feel tacked on. But that's the least of the game's worries.

The graphics look cheap and grainy, especially the FMV's. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it's a throwback to 50's sci-fi films so I understand the grain but you put too much and it crosses the line from cute to crap. And this game has major problems with mapping or whatever it's called when you're going somewhere and stuff appears in the distance. When you're in the air, whether you're in the saucer or using your jetpack, stuff just appears randomly in your field of vision. You could be flying around in your jetpack and a building appears right in front of you! Granted it does so far enough away for you to notice and prepare yourself but what if it didn't! Then you would be in a world of hurt. The only good thing graphics-wise is the character design. It looks good, there's a good-enough variety between the models and it works within the context of the game.

The gameplay to this just doesn't work. I mean it's ok when you're blowing stuff up, wrecking havoc and killing every human but it's all cheap thrills, stuff that gets boring fast. But it's a godsend when you have to be stealthy. At first it's fine as you disguise yourself but then you have to read people's thoughts to keep your disguise up and if Pox is speaking to you then the thoughts interrupt him and you have to wait longer for him to finish your mission. It's just bad. And what's worse is that you don't have a real map of the area you're in, just radar which is useful, I guess. You only have a limited space before you leave to go back to your mothership. The game warns you you're leaving and you can go back but a real map with boundaries would really help. And then this game suffers from slow-down whenever there's a big battle going on, there's sound issues, vehicles explode for no reason...well that's awesome but I could go on and on about the weakness of the gameplay but I think you got the idea.

Is there anything in this game that's actually worth it? Yes, the dialogue. It's like all the effort made in making this game was to it and nothing else. It's funny, it's quotable and everybody has their own personality. It's sad to see such a game that includes this line "You're looking a bit...what's the word...constipated." and see it fail at everything else. I mean you want to quit the game but then somebody says something awesome and you can't. It leaves you trapped, like an abused housewife making dinner in the kitchen. Anyways, this game is something I can't recommend but the script is something you should look for so you can read it...and then not play the game. As for the sequels, I'll probably play them eventually cause I know that this has potential to be good, it's just not in this edition.

5/10