Zombies vs. Nazis: A Lost History of the Walking Undead reviewed

Hey look guys, it's yet another book about zombies being inserted into a crazy time period.  This time it's Nazi Germany.....or actually Haiti during World War II.  I have complained in Zombie History of the US that if zombie history books needed a future, then it has to do more than just to stick zombies into a time period without any context or style.  Then somehow I get this e-mail about getting a review copy of Zombies vs. Nazis so I did and here we are.  Let's see if this zombie book does better.

It's the time of World War II.  It's still in the early stages so Germany is kicking everybody's asses and taking their territory.  But the Germans are not one to be complacent so they send three inspectors into Haiti to learn the way of the zombie.  The thought process is that if the Nazis control zombies then they would have an army that would truly be unstoppable and the Third Reich would truly last a thousand years with all of it's original members. 

The book is all in communiques that the inspectors sent out to their superior officer with the exception with a brief preface from the author explaining what we're about to read(with very unnecessary snarky bits and it's in red so it's color-coded for your convenience!) and two unclassified US documents about uncovering these communique.  And this is, by far, the smartest thing the book did.  It keeps things terse, fast-paced and exciting.  If it was written like a normal fictional narrative, the results would have been disastrous.  It would've been Plague of the Dead all over again.

And then the book does a rather big mistake.  The aforementioned preface is all about "Humans shouldn't meddle in raising the dead unless they want to be eaten" and then betrays that with the standard "Humans are Bastards" theme.  On the surface they may be the same thing but one thing suggests that we're not going to have the old tired zombie cliche that humans are worse that George Romero has beaten to death, resurrected and killed again and the other thing....does.  Guess which path the book goes?

Additionally, there's some illustrations in this book and quite a few of them.  They're all bright, colorful and cartoony...and in the end, not very good.  To me, it just seems half-assed and lazy.  The backgrounds are just splashes of color with little attempt at creating anything there.  The people are really blocky and two of them are rather samey.  And it does the cardinal sin of mis-matching the images with the words since I thought one of the Inspectors was actually one of the Voodoo priests.

In the end, however, I do like this.  It does do something more that just stick zombies in some time period and just let them do wacky hijinks.  It's short, a very fast read and has some decent action.  While it's doesn't really do much with a high-concept title like Zombies vs. Nazis it's still quite entertaining.

7/10

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A Zombie's History of the United States reviewed

Ever since World War Z hit stores the book world has been flooded with zombie stories.  There's the regular zombie invasion stories or anthology stories and the like but what really took off is the parodies.  From Pride and Prejudice and Zombies to various How to be a Zombie books.  It would be obvious that there will be a book that would insert zombies into various eras of history.  And today is the day where I talk about A Zombie's History of the United States.

Hey kids, you know all those cool moments in history?  The Revolutionary War, The Alamo, World War II and Theodore Roosevelt's reign of awesome?!  Of course you do but what you don't know is that those eras and many more from American History were filled with zombies.  Why did we cross the Bering Sea to North America?  To run away from zombies.  What happened during the first winter the Pilgrims stayed in North America?  Zombies.  What really happened to William McKinley?  He turned into a zombie and Theodore Roosevelt put him down to become the new president.  There's many other bits of zombie history as well but you get the idea.

Maybe it's just me but I am getting a bit tired of these zombie revisionist books.  Most of the time they offer very little to the table.  For the most part, History is no exception with it just inserting zombies into American events with little context or style.  And what really bothered me with that approach is how almost every important death or massacre is zombie related.  Humanity is pretty much painted as innocent victims terrorized by zombies.  I mean that's the intent and I get that, it just doesn't work out that way like the author intended it to.

However, a few people did get some Historical Badass Upgrades which were a hoot to read about.  Benjamin Franklin killed a zombie girl by jamming some guy's pen in her ear and then using his son's hammer to nail it in there.  Clark from the Lewis and Clark Expedition had to kill Zombie Lewis.  Theodore Roosevelt battled zombie William McKinley to become the next president of America.  And that's only a few really awesome displays of badassery in the book.  That's where the book shines and shows all the potential it could have.

In the end, it's somewhat interesting in a way a history books is interesting if you like history...which I do.  It's not particularly bad since it's written well enough to retain my interest.  But it just adds nothing to the table and even what it does add doesn't elevate the book to must read status.  It's a shame, there's a germ of a good idea here it's just not executed in the best way.

6/10

The New Dead reviewed Part II

Welcome back to the second part of reviewing The New Dead.

My Dolly(5/10) - Another disappointment but this time for completely different reasons than it being not written very well.  On the contrary, it's should be a good read since there's no annoying gimmicks or anything but I don't like the story at all.  It's a paramedic that wants to revive some girl for reasons I don't get for some purpose that I rather not think about.  Does he want a daughter, a lover?  I don't know and frankly I don't care.  Shame too since this should've been a lot better.

Second Wind(8/10) - This is another one of the stories where most of its success lies in firing up the imagination.  A businessman that zombifies himself to work forever where his zombification is described in fairly good detail is great stuff.  Then it turns into something like a love story where a homeless girl kind of gets trapped in the lair.  It's one of the best-written stories in the book and it is actually the most interesting but it actually feels a bit too short.  I would love to see this expanded by a lot.

Closure, Limited(5/10) - This is the most disappointing story in this book since this was written by Max Brooks, the man who gave us the almost-masterful World War Z.  Now I'm not quite sure if this was a deleted scene from World War Z or just another story made for The New Dead but it is quite obvious why it wasn't in World War Z, it's not very good.  The thing is that it describes the process of finding zombies, dressing them up as people they know and have the family finish them which isn't all that bad but it's not terribly exciting either.  Also, The Reporter doesn't ask any questions, it reminded me of that one story about that French guy talking about fighting zombies underneath Paris, which was my least favorite part, where The Reporter asked no questions and let the guy talk.  The Reporter makes things interesting, not the subjects and this proves this point again.  At least Brooks is talented enough to up this failure into mediocrity but I'm still highly disappointed with this.

Among Us(2/10) - I will say one thing about this, it is 6 pages.  Other than that this is so full of fail that it's sad.  It's like a mini-anthology where this is no common theme that connects the story, all of them suck and only the first one actually talks about zombies and even then it's an unfunny joke.  There is no point to this and it's a big waste of time, SKIP!

Ghost Trap(7/10) - This can be construed as a great ghost story except for how utterly forgettable this is.  It conjures up such a great mood that totally works in the moment but the moment you finish it, it's totally forgotten.  I don't know why that is but I'm not bothering to talk about this anymore, it's good but don't expect to remember it afterwords.

The Storm Door(6/10) - Hey look guys, it's another attempt to deconstruct a familiar story, this time it's about night hunters, those guys who go after the creatures of the night.  He even has a night huntery name, Nick Nightingale.  He goes into how poor he is and he's confused by some random babbling by his taxi driver, then talks about it to his dying older relative, I forgot the relation.  The point is that it's not very interesting until the last three or four pages where things quickly get out of hand in an awesome manner.  At the very least, the ending salvages quite a bit of the boring fluff of the beginning but it's also a bit too little, too late.

Kids and Their Toys(7/10) - Sure this is another story about how kids are so cruel despite their innocence and what not but this story is told well enough for the reader to forget about that.  The ending does go off the rails a bit but before then it's a good story about what happens when kids find a zombie.  They poke it with sticks and other stuff but then one of the kids suggest to leave it alone which doesn't go over that well.  It's a good read even though you might hear it all before.

Shooting Pool(5/10) - This is by far the strangest story in here for one simple reason...there are no zombies or even mentions of zombies in this at all.  A guy dies but he stays dead where the story goes to great pains to describe how final his death is.  I get that this wants to go for something completely different but I don't like it when it does this at the expense of the overriding theme of the anthology.  Also, the story is somewhat boring even though it does have its moments of interest in it.

 Weaponized(8/10) - Once again, it may be a familiar story with the reporter who will do anything to get the big story even if it means having to do something completely idiotic and breaking the rules designed for said reporter's safety but it is highly entertaining.  I mean a story that can put computer chips into corpses, control them for up to 50 actions and put them in some suits akin to those Big Daddy suits from Bioshock is OK with me.  It's great entertainment even though it's not necessarily a great story.

Twittering from the Circus of the Dead(7/10) -This story is purely gimmickry but it's an awesome gimmick.  As you may have guessed from the title, this story is told through one girls Twitter feed and only through that twitter feed.  It's a very fresh and interesting way to write and then even read this story as it goes deeper into the realm of madness as the titular Circus of the Dead goes zombie-crazy.  But at times, I do think that the author is a bit too critical of Twitter as the main character's handle is Tyme2Waste...since poor literacy is kewl.  But despite this and all the gimmicks, it's still a decent story that'll chill you to the bone.

So for any anthology there's great stories and weak stories.  In The New Dead, the good outweighs the bad and it's something worth reading.

7/10

The New Dead reviewed Part I

 

Zombies, there's just something about them for me that makes me care about what they do.  I know, they're monsters and they would rather eat your flesh, then your brain than impart some zombie wisdom but I can't help myself.  I just like the concept of zombies a bit too much for me to actually understand.  So when I saw this zombie anthology at the library, I knew I had to read it.  So since there's 19 stories in this, I am splitting this up in two parts with the first 9 stories here and the rest next week.  With that said, let's begin.

Lazarus(10/10) - This anthology does kick off with a bang with a rumination of what a zombie would feel like if he wasn't all obsessed about the brain, especially if he's one of the first zombies.  It tells a story about how some guy comes back for no real reason despite Jesus giving an answer and then everyone bothering the guy about what happens on the other side and how he can not remember.  It's told in a very somber way that is instantly memorable and is immediately one of the best stories in the book.

What Maise Knew(9/10) - Like Lazarus this story works on the what if's of zombies, in this case: What if we could control zombies for menial labor and then every so often have sex with them?  These are the types of stories I like, stories that can fire up the imagination.  But, those are actually backdrops to the actual story which is pretty good in a film-noirish kind of way.  It's all about how a guy goes paranoid when a zombie seems to do things it shouldn't and knows him when she shouldn't remember him.  It's all a very good story that's a great follow-up to Lazarus.

Copper(6/10) - This is probably going to be the most polarizing of all the stories in this book.  The story is alright but I don't like how the story is actually written, the nuts-and-bolts so to speak.  It's written in a very stuttering style with lots of repetition that gets really annoying real fast.  There's stuff to like about this but I just can't get past all the awkward phrasing.  However, I can imagine people liking this story for all the reasons I didn't so be wary of this but don't count it out.

In the Dust(7/10) - This is a competent but fairly forgettable post-apocalyptic story about the last three normal people that are trapped in a town to help stop a virus that makes zombies.  Of course, there's a woman in there and one of the guys goes crazy as the self-appointed leader tries to keep on living.  So you may know where all the plot points go but it is written well-enough for me to not to care.

Life Sentence(7/10) - It's another fine story about a leader of a highly successful corporation who wants to cheat death by becoming a zombie.  It does have a very cute bit at the beginning with the guy researching becoming a vampire but things don't really work out with that plan.  Like In the Dust, it has a job to do and it does it pretty well to be good but not well enough to really strike out.

Delice(4/10) - And now we come to a story that's not very good.  I wish I could tell you what it was about but the story is basically an incomprehensible mess about slavery in New Orleans so that means we get French words in it...yay.  And then there's the fact that the zombie is a slave girl so that means we get commentary about how being a zombie is like being a real slave since they're bound to chains of death and actual chains HOORAY!  Thankfully, it's 10 pages so the pain is short.

The Wind Cries Mary(8/10) - At four pages this is the shortest story in the book and at the same time, it is the sweetest in a sick, twisted way.  It tells a story about a man longing for his wife who was turned into a zombie that comes by his house every night.  Sure the ending is a bit of a downer but there's lots of good stuff here.

Family Business(7/10) - This story only survives due to how likable the main characters are and how well-written their dialogue is.  It wants to be a deconstruction of how killing zombies is totally awesome but it's actually horrible since zombies used to be real people and all.  The problem with that is that the story doesn't quite pull it off with the main character's reaction and 180 turnaround is way too abrupt for it to be believable.  One moment the kid is all like "Zombies deserve to die!" and the next he's all like "Zombies are people too that need to released when the family wants it to be done!"  But like I said the dialogue between the main character and his brother is so good that it's easy to ignore the flaws.  Shame about the whole deconstruction attempt.

The Zombie Who Fell from the Sky(6/10) - With a title like this, you know it's not going to be a serious story but sometimes you just want to slap the characters silly in this.  Oh sure, it starts fine with a zombie that comes out of nowhere being impaled on a spire and then all hell breaks loose.  But then we meet our hero, who's a poet coming out of a sudden break-up and then zombies appear.  And he wants to use sympathy and kindness on them while the big bad military wants to kill them with weapons.  What a crock but like I said it starts off pretty good and it actually ends pretty good, the middle is just not very good.

Check back next week for Part II.