Ice by Ice reviewed

STOP!  Collaborate and listen!  Vanilla Ice was there in 1990 with a brand new invention.  Something grabbed a hold of America tightly.  Ice, Ice Baby was playing on the radio daily and nightly.  Will it ever stop?  Of course it did, we know.  We turned out the lights and kills his glow.  To the extreme he rocked the mic like a vandal and lit up chumps like a candle.  Then he danced and rush the speakers that go boom cause he was killing our brains like poisonous mushrooms.

Alright that's enough vandalizing The Ice-man's masterpiece "Ice, Ice Baby" but apparently from 1990 to 1991 Vanilla Ice and that song was everywhere.  To the Extreme is one of, if not the, fastest selling hip-hop album of all time.  "Ice, Ice Baby" was the first Rap song to ever go number...if you don't count Blondie's "Rapture".  And the machine kept on growing with Ice being the second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and his star vehicle Cool as Ice.  Then came this book which ruined Ice's career overnight.  It was Ice's life story in a bid to create some street cred and be those Tiger Beat surveys all in one.

Since it was all ghost-written and stuff, suffice to say it's fairly bad.  But since this is Vanilla Ice, he has history of making things at least entertainingly bad.  But like I said, it's ghost-written by his manager I was a moron for thinking that it would be entertaining.  Anyways, the thing that really got me about this books is how much it repeats itself over and over again.  You could probably play a drinking game on how often he says he was a bad kid and put his mother through hell.  And another drinking game for every yep yep.

Then there's so much filler, that after 1990 the book has no more to say about Ice's life.  Granted, it was written around that time so there's that.  So then the book has to REACH and I mean really RRRREEEEEACCCCCHHH!  There's a chapter talking about Ice's VIP crew.  There's a chapter on life on the road, complete with Nintendo and Tecmobowl.  There's another chapter on how he lives life complete with God.  It's all just boring bores.

Even as a fan of kitch, this book sucks.  You could get more enjoyment trying to read a brick wall.  The only interesting thing I learned from this was this Extremely Live was going to be called Ice Capades.  That would actually been a good title.  But there is something that will make this interesting.  I would like to see the Ice-Man write his own book and then take this book and do some commentary on it.  Like what was true and what wasn't.  I'll buy it.

3/10