Wolverine review(don't read if you don't want spoilers)

SPOILER WARNING: I feel that I am obliged to tell you that I am spoiling some moments in the movie. I don't think they actually make much of an impact but if you don't want to be spoiled, don't read this until you want to. However, I am spoiling a big part of X-Men 2.

Alright, I know that I said that I wasn't too interested in reviewing movies in this blog unless they were something special. Considering that Wolverine is my first midnight showing ever...I think it is special enough for me to review. Hopefully, future midnight showings will actually have good movies instead of disappointing ones for this is easily the worst of the X-Men movies...yes, even X3 is better but then again, I did like X3.

So I guess the plot is pretty simple. Wolverine and Sabertooth...or James and Victor...or Logan and Victor, whatever, are brothers fighting in lots of wars and then they enroll in General Stryker's black mutant ops. But eventually Wolverine grows disgusted and walks away to Canada hooking up some chick. Sabertooth eventually comes and kills her for some reason prompting Wolverine to go to Stryker and get adamantium grafted to his skeleton for vengenance. Betryal happens and Wolverine's revenge list gets longer and longer as he kills more and more.

So what went wrong? One thing, the story is way too rushed and way too cramped. Now I hear you up in your arms saying that X3's story was also too cramped and rushed. While that is true to some degree, X3 at least tried to avoid the "We need this and this and this and this guy too for some reason" trap. It didn't succeed but it does much better than Wolverine, where the opening credits(yes, they actually have real opening credits this time, instead of the production and title credits for the rest.) show Wolverine and Sabertooth fighting in The Civil War, then WWI, WWII and 'Nam. Sure they're pretty much showing the brotherhood of Wolverine and Sabertooth but in the clips, they cut to the next war just as they are about to do something awesome, not after they do it but before which is infuriating. Then the first segment with the mutant black ops is too short to appreciate cause they have to move on to the story. The quiet segments do have some room to breathe but the reason you actually want to see it, the action scenes, are afflicted with a bit of ADD editing and a lot of "Not Long Enough" syndrome...except the final fight but that's been afflicted with Tedium-itis.

Also, since it's a prequel we know what's happening. Wolverine won't kill Sabertooth since he's in the first X-Men movie but a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier for some reason. He also won't kill Stryker since he's in X2 and since he's amnesiac he doesn't kill him, Magneto does. Even when Stryker is picked up by the MP at the end, it's a hollow victory cause that didn't stop him at all. And lastly, a word about Cyclops, all he's useful for was an excuse to bring back Patrick Stewart in a short cameo where the de-aging technology went horribly wrong and he was de-aged into some Asian guy.

This also as a case of the worst special effects failure in the series. None of the CGI in the other movies ever felt so fake. The CGI felt unfinished especially the wars, the background plates for some outdoor scenes in Canada and during the final fight and Wolverine's claws. Especially when he's checking them out in an old couple's bathroom...it makes sense in context. But they look like so cartoony and not an organic part of the scene that it made me sad. Then I became sadder when Wolverine stabbed Sabertooth in the hand and it was fake that I just couldn't believe it. So I sighed and died a little but quietly, it was a full theater and I didn't want to look too un-manly.

But at least we have the acting to bring this back up. After three movies, Hugh Jackman knows what makes Wolverine tick and he's pretty good in it. He knows when to care and when to snarl and when to be awesome. If anyone can survive this...he can. Then there's Liev Schrieber who is also really good. Anyone with less talent probably would not explore the brotherly dynamic between him and Wolverine as much and/or as good as Schrieber. This creates a certain dynamic with Sabertooth which at least makes him more interesting than he should have been, even though this is probably not the movie to do this in. A few of the minor characters do quite well despite having little to do like Ryan Reynolds, that guy who played Gambit and Will. I. Am(yes that one and yes I am serious, he was good). The rest just blend into the fake scenery.

Also, the movie does employ a What Do You Mean it's Not Awesome approach to it, which is nice for a while. Wolverine wakes up from a nightmare flexing and showing his muscular veins! The opening scene is a hurricane of awesome cliches(Big No, Raising Spinning Camera, Breaking the Law...and a lot more) in a span of three minutes. Wolverine's escape from the adamantium lab starts with him in some briefs and then, inexplicably he's naked and jumping on a waterfall like Harrison Ford! Hell, Agent Zero screams like a bitch when Wolverine throws a military truck at his helicopter. It doesn't last forever and that's when tedium sets in but it's fun while it lasts.

The rubes that were also in the midnight showing did eat this up, clapping and hollering at some points. I don't blame them, it is cheesy, it is somewhat entertaining and it is somewhat funny at times. I guess if I was back in high school I would like this more than I do now. While the rest of the X-Men movies were entertaining despite their flaws, Wolverine is too flawed to be actually entertaining.

6/10